LETTING GO TO GROW: EMPOWERING YOURSELF AND YOUR ADULT CHILD

INTRODUCTION

There's a familiar ache in your chest, a weariness that settles deep in your bones. You've spent decades nurturing, advocating, and fiercely loving your adult child who faces unique challenges. You've been the rock, the tireless support system, the one who always says yes. But lately, the "supermom" cape you once wore feels heavy, and the constant selflessness is leaving you drained – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

​It's a sign that a crucial shift is necessary. It's not about abandoning your child or neglecting your responsibilities. It's about reclaiming your strength, rediscovering your own needs, and creating a life that sustains you both.

The Myth of the Unsinkable Mother

For so long, society has painted motherhood as an endless well of unwavering strength. We're bombarded with images of the "perfect" mom who effortlessly juggles work, family, and self-care. But here's the truth: that image is a myth.

You are not a superhero. ​You are a human being with a finite amount of energy and resources. 

​When you pour everything you have into supporting your child, there's nothing left for yourself. This constant depletion leads to resentment, frustration, and a deep sense of loneliness.

Understanding the Power of “Letting Go”

The word "letting go" might evoke images of abandonment, but that's not what it means here. It's about recognizing your limitations and empowering your child to take ownership of their life. It's about establishing healthy boundaries that protect your well-being while still offering unwavering love.
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Imagine yourself on a plane. Safety instructions emphasize securing your own oxygen mask first before assisting others. The same principle applies here. When you take care of yourself, you become a stronger, more supportive parent for your child.​

Redefining Your Role: From Fixer to Empowering Guide

Many mothers have spent years trying to "fix" their children's situations. They navigate systems, fight battles, and take on burdens that may not even be theirs to carry. This approach, while well-intentioned, often creates a dynamic of dependence.
Instead, consider shifting your role from fixer to empowering guide.

This means providing support that fosters your child's independence, resilience, and problem-solving skills. It's about equipping them with the tools they need to navigate their own challenges.
Examples of Redefining Support:
 

• Financial Support: Instead of blindly providing money, consider co-creating a budget with your child or exploring loan options that encourage responsibility.

 

• Emotional Support: Be a sounding board, a safe space to vent, but also encourage your child to seek professional help when needed.

 

• Practical Support: Help your child learn life skills like cooking, cleaning, or scheduling appointments. Gradually hand over these responsibilities over time.

Empowering Yourself: Reclaiming Your “Soul-ar” Power

Now, let's talk about you. 

What makes your heart sing? 

What activities bring you joy and a sense of renewal? 

Reconnect with those passions, even if it starts small. Take a painting class, join a book club, or spend time in nature. Whatever speaks to you, do it. 

Do “you.”

Here are some practical tips to recharge your "soul-ar" battery:

• Set Boundaries: Learn to say "no" with love. Establish clear boundaries with your child, spouse (if applicable), and even extended family who might contribute to the over-functioning dynamic.

 

• Prioritize Self-Care: Schedule time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. This could be meditation, reading, spending time with supportive friends, or getting a massage.

 

• Seek Support: Don't be afraid to ask for help. Talk to a therapist, join a support group for parents of adult children with challenges, or confide in a trusted friend.

 

• Forgive Yourself: Release the guilt of not being "enough." You've done the best you could with the information and resources you had at the time.

Remember You Are Not Alone

The journey of raising a child with unique needs is rarely easy. But amidst the difficulties, there is immense strength, unwavering love, and the potential for a beautiful transformation. You are not alone. There is a whole community of women out there who understand your struggles and are ready to support you.

​The path to reclaiming your strength can feel daunting, but you don't have to walk it alone. 

Find Inspiration in Shared Experiences

• Support Groups: Online and in-person support groups connect you with other mothers facing similar challenges. Sharing experiences and strategies can be incredibly empowering.

 

• Books and Articles: Explore books and articles written by mental health professionals and parents who have navigated similar situations. These resources can offer valuable insights and coping mechanisms.

 

• Podcasts: Listen to podcasts that address the challenges of parenting adult children with unique needs. Hearing other women's stories can be incredibly validating.

 
By prioritizing your well-being and redefining your role, you create a life that nourishes you both. You become the "soul-powered" woman you were always meant to be – a woman who radiates strength, compassion, and a love that empowers both yourself and your child.

CONCLUSION

​You are a remarkable woman who has faced incredible challenges. Your unwavering love and commitment to your child are a testament to your strength. Now, it's time to extend that same love and compassion to yourself.

By prioritizing your well-being and redefining your role, you create a ripple effect of positive change. You become a role model of resilience for your child, and you inspire other women on their own journeys.

Embrace your "soul-ar" power. You deserve a life filled with joy, purpose, and the unwavering strength that comes from self-care and a supportive community.

Souly yours,
Carol

Self-care for mothers can sometimes feel like a bad word. The expectations of society and those placed on self can be detrimental. You must take care of yourself first. Depriving yourself of the care you need can end now, and it can start here with a supportive community.

Share your story and experiences in the comments below. We can learn and grow together!